A Heart for the Future

We’re always trying to understand the present and past to determine or figure out our future. Our perceptions of our surroundings bring us to premature conclusions…or frustration for the lack thereof. Wouldn’t it be nice to have that crystal ball that gave us even a small glimpse of what is to come? Why doesn’t God just reveal our future, frame by frame, so we know what decisions to make and what actions to take?

We live in the world full of journeymen and women that are walking at different paces and different strides. Each step we take as we are directed by the hand of God is down the same path.  I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me [John 14:6]. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness of his name’s sake [Psalm 23:3]. So why is it that we’ve become so impatient to God’s will as if He is leading us astray or keeping us from finishing the race?

I’ll starting speaking for myself now…I’ve prayed countless times for countless hours for God’s plan for my life. I’ve analyzed my past to attempt to understand my future. I’ve even compared my past to my present to try projecting and replicating what was important for my future. All that and I did not hear the answers I was looking for because my heart was now in the right place to receive them. I became even more upset because I personally thought I was seeking for those answers earnestly. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well [Matthew 6:33]. “Yeah okay God I know that but everything I’m asking for is to help me extend your kingdom…” Little did I know that my heart was guiding my steps and it wasn’t going towards the kingdom. I was seeking the blessing for the path I choose to talk rather than the direction for the path I needed to take.

Spirit lead where my trust is without borders? Do you realize what you’re asking? There are too many things that need to happen before I feel comfortable letting you [God] take control of my life. Do you realize how much of an oxymoronic statement that is? I struggled with the idea that I needed to let God take care of the things that concerned me and that I feared for. My mind was trapped in the ways that I was used to operating under, even the ways that I served God. You will keep those in perfect peace whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You [Isaiah 26:3]. Okay God…you created the heavens and the earth by speaking them into existence; surely you can take care of me.

Seeking the kingdom became a lot easier now that I didn’t try to control my own life and those in it. I have confidence in my calling now that I have a deeper understanding of His word. And for the first time I can see the future…yeah I said it. What kept me from knowing what the future held for me was keeping my heart unexposed to God’s heart so He could plant His desires. Now that I’ve opened up my heart to God’s, I have confidence in what is in store for me. My heart desires to see and hear the word of God and to seek His kingdom. For the things I don’t yet have, I know that I will because my heart yearns for them joyfully and patiently. Whatever God plants within my heart will not wither because it will continue to lean in the direction of the kingdom. My future is looking pretty bright and brings forth growth and new life like a flower leaning towards the sun.

And HOPE does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:5

Walking in Wisdom

Going to college after high school was a lot more frightening for me than you may have been told. The expectations that I had from home kept me motivated by fear; fear of failure and disappointment. There aren't enough stars in the sky to count how many times I've had to encounter that fear. I had no direction, no passions, and no confidence.

The definition of wisdom to me was learning from your mistakes and other people. I learned a lot from my parents growing up and accepted all the wisdom from them. Now that I started college though that wisdom felt like it was only carrying me so far. I kept doing what I was doing with no desires or directions.

I met a man who reiterated things I already knew and didn't really believe it would help me. I had nothing to lose so I followed him, lived under him, and was loved by him. My parents loved me and still love me to this today but it didn't exactly feel extended. This man however continued to show me how his wisdom was perfect and loving. That man was and is my mentor, friend, and pastor. That wisdom he shared was Jesus. I believed in Jesus but I never called out to Him. My faith had to be in Him before any sort of purpose and direction could be established.

Praise Him! I'm still in college though...so what do I do? I may know that I have a direction but I don't know what it is. I'm told to be be diligent with my studies and work but where is that taking me? I'm told to be patient but how long must I wait and see where He is taking me?

Keep going. You're gonna make it.

I had to stop and receive that. I was worrying so much that I began to question the very power and divine integrity of my Father. I was living under the wisdom of man and grasping onto my own. God brought me to a place of humility and conviction. He made me answer a very simple yet powerful and important question:

Do you trust me?

Now I am reminded of His power and grace where I am and where I'll be...wherever that may be. A wise man once told me that it's like we're all on a road trip with Jesus and we're constantly asking "Are we there yet? Where are we going?" when we don't necessarily need to know where. We just need to trust Him.

That's why it is important to walk in wisdom. We don't stumble upon wisdom, God gives it to those who seek it. Wisdom gives life and blesses it. Wisdom gives direction and discretion. Wisdom builds character and honors God. Wisdom will protect and guard over you. Wisdom disciplines and trains you. Wisdom is and shares truth, understanding, and knowledge of the Holy God.

King Solomon reminded his sons countless times in Proverbs to keep wisdom close and to not ignore it. In regards to reading scripture and faith, C.S. Lewis said, "We have to be continually reminded of what we believe. Neither this belief not any other will automatically remain alive in the mind. It must be fed." All that to say that wisdom is necessary all the time constantly to be able to walk faithfully down the "path of the righteous." Wisdom will not and cannot fail you if you do not turn your back on it.

My path is defined and known. Not by me but by the God who designed and blessed it. The fears, doubts, and expectations don't weigh me down anymore because I've taken the pressure I've put on myself and entrusted it with Jesus, the guide and protector (and many other glorious names). I'm letting wisdom take it from here.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6

Zoom Out

I had something wrong with me. It made me feel ashamed. It hurt people I loved and cared for. It made me feel alone. It was too strong to get rid of. I wanted to move forward but it was impossible to move past. That one thing that was wrong with me was my sin. I was blind in it and the only thing I was able to see was the sin itself; but there was hope. Even as a believer I too have sinned. The only difference from someone in my circumstance is that I have faith in a redemptive God who can and did in fact wipe away the sin covering my eyes. When my eyes were opened I was able to do something I wasn't able to do before, zoom out.

Zoom out? Why would I need to do that now that I can see clearly? Praise Jesus that you have sight, but what are you looking at? It's only natural to look around you but have you ever zoomed out? Looking benefits you in many ways. It allows you to identify your surroundings and process things within your proximity. It's extremely helpful when you're presenting the Gospel and using your spiritual eyes to look into someone's heart to extend an invitation to God's kingdom. Zooming out is an action that serves a different purpose. Zooming out gives you the full picture. It allows you to perceive bigger things surrounding other people. Your knowledge and confidence is expanded to what has been zoomed out because you can map out and direct others to a destination.

How's this applicable? The journey that we're all taking to follow Jesus has directions and a destination. Looking at your surroundings is important so you're not steering off the path and so you're preventing speed bumps. That is for the here and now. God's plan is infinitely larger than the present so we need to zoom out and continue the journey with the confidence that we know where we're going.

Something else I want you to take away from this is one other thing that happens when you zoom out. That sin that I kept looking at was tearing me apart until I zoomed out to see how God was there the entire time. I was so focused on my sin that I lost sight that God was encouraging, caring for, and strengthening me in the midst of my sin. I zoomed out even farther and saw the other blessings God has given me along with the blessings He's promised me as I grow closer to Him.

The sin that I once thought was big and ugly was brought down to its original size...small. Now that I've zoomed out I was able to see that my God was and is bigger than all of my sin to conquer it, even when we wore it all on the cross. He was too big for sin and powerful enough to give you the sight to see clearly and zoom out in order to see His glory fully.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." -Romans 8:18

I Can't Dance

The title is a true statement. I spent the last few years using that as an excuse not to. I would attend swing dancing events because my friends wanted to go but I made myself the designated photographer in order to avoid it. I came to the conclusion that I was missing out on the fun, even if it was at the expense of my comfort zone. 

The next event I went to actually learn the dance. It started out okay but then it went way over my head. I couldn't think straight, my head felt like it was spinning in circles, and I felt super uncomfortable and tired. This time I confirmed to myself that I really shouldn't be dancing...ever. I thanked the friend who invited me and told them that I had fun but probably wouldn't come again.

God couldn't have spoken to me in a weirder way. My dancing wasn't the problem, it was the lack or inability to identify a weakness and strengthen it. I've evangelized and given the God Test and I have persuaded myself into thinking that "I'm just not an evangelist." Whether that's true or not I said that with the intention of being satisfactory in the attempt and then accepting that it's a weakness with no further action.

Don't accept failure or weakness. If you have weakness then identify it and build up those particular "muscles." If it's evangelizing then keep sharing the Gospel until you get better at it. If it's an addiction then fight through it in order to build up the discipline to stop it. If it's dieting then stop giving in and accepting the temptation of unwanted food choices but build your self-control to help you eat right. And if it's swing dancing and you don't get it right the first time, go back another time and keep practicing until you get it.

Don't accept anything less than what's possible in Christ. Work hard towards training yourself to be better and stronger.

"Train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and life to come. This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance. That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the savior of all the people, and especially of those who believe." (1 Timothy 4:7-10)

A Love Story

Once upon a time I met a girl. Yes, a girl. She was the most beautiful girl in the world. There was no one like her. She made me feel loved and like I belong. She took care of me when I was sick. She fed me when I was hungry. She gave me a shoulder to cry on. She even sang for me with her gifted and wonderful voice. But the best gift she gave me was the invitation from Jesus to become saved.

A grew up with her and we became the best of friends. We had everything in common. I told all of my other friends about how awesome she was. Nothing could separate us, at least I thought so. My dad divorced his wife before I even got to middle school. I eventually lived with my dad while my best friend moved far away. She got into a relationship with guy I knew back where we used to live. We stayed in touch but as they years went by it was hard on both of us. I missed her so much. She went through some difficult times when she found out he was cheating on her. I traveled the distance to visit and comfort her. I tried to make her feel loved and provided her with a shoulder to cry as she once did for me. I felt her pain.

She got better and into another relationship. They did well for a short period of time but eventually it went downhill. Our friendship became worse as well. I think her struggles kept us from growing stronger but I did not make things easier. Being so far apart did not help. Unfortunately the decisions that we both made have changed our lives completely.

I said some harsh words to her over the phone one day. The next day she calls back and I decide not to answer. I get a call from her father the next day. That phone call ended up being the worst phone call I've ever received.

"Daniel, I need you to sit down." says her father. "Your mother..."

And at that moment I knew "...hung herself, I'm sorry..." My heart torn in two. My best friend gone forever.

Yes, the beautiful girl and best friend that I met so long ago was my mother. I don't blame myself for the events that took place anymore. There are times, however, that I wish I'd shown her how important she was to me.

Why am I sharing this? Because I love her, I miss her, and because I have a special message for you. You heard our story along with all the negative series of events. She was a strong and selfless woman through it all. There's nothing I wouldn't do to go back and tell her that. What she did not at all reflect or define who she was. The number of people who read this post isn't close to a drop in the bucket of people she's invested and loved during her lifetime.

She loved me with all of her heart. She loved me so much that she introduced me to Jesus. There was nothing I could or can provide to illustrate just how much she means to me and how much she's done for me.

In honor of Mother's day I want you do do something that I wish I could do for my mom today. Give her the biggest genuine hug and tell her you love her with all your heart. She's loved and nurtured you since you were born because you were the most important thing in her life. Show her how important she is to you.

 This clip was my last Mother's Day with her.

She played tackle football (yes, tackle) for the Palm Beach Punishers because she was a BOSS. She was where I got my competitive gene. We'd play football, Wii Sports, and even ping pong like our lives were on the line. She wanted to wear the number I did in high school to have an excuse to change the conversation to talking about how proud she was of me.

She was a huge Bucs fan because of me. Even when times were tough financially she scrapped up what she could to take me to the games when I came down to visit. 

I'm glad she was able to make it to my high school graduation. A moment I'll never forget.

This is my favorite picture of us. This picture reminds me of how powerful her love for me was. I couldn't ask for a better friend and mother.

Happy Mother's Day!

There is Hope

If you gave me the task of counting the times I was wrong I would fail. There's a reason why I was wrong. God had something better planned for me. I've been through some rough patches through going back more than a decade. My decisions have been to blame for some, others I cannot say the same for. Because of that I see this blog and the where I wrote this to be only from holy design.

I expected all the wrong things. Attending a university full of my peers needing to hear the gospel. I had a heart for them and pursuing theirs. That came at a price. As the school year went by my expectations and will grew tired of what I had witnessed and experienced. The students who I invested in became less involved and unappreciative of my time and efforts. Their respect for me did not exist. I spoke about how not to give up even when you're put down and spat on. It took me far too long to realize that I was giving up myself. It has been hard to see past the fog of suffering and pain in my heart. I took out my frustrations on God. After a considerable amount of time I stopped to cry. I had enough of the hurt. I imagined God's response. "How dare you speak to me like that!" "Grow up!" "Are you blind?" No no no...His response stirs me up to this day.

"I know your pain."

His hand fell on me the same way it did when I suffered the loss of my mother. In that moment I attempted to imagine the pain of His Son, the pain of turning away from Him so He would never have to do that to us.

As I continued serving at my school I saw students give their lives to love and believe in God. I had students thank me for helping guide them in their walk. I even had students who haven't thanked me. Those select students have shown incredible and remarkable change. I am proud of them as God is of me for not giving up.

My very nature blinded me from what I now see. I believe in what a large portion of the world finds wrong. I was the a part of the world, now I am apart from the world. I live among those who don't have the eternal gift that I do. My ambition is not give it to them but to lead towards the God that can. It has not been easy and will not cease to be, but He knows your pain.

What does that mean? It means that He has suffered as man has. He has put Himself in our shoes to understand your pain and be able to lift you up. "He who avenges blood remembers, He does not ignore the cry of the afflicted" -Psalm 9:12

So as I said before, I have been wrong countless times. What was the consequence of being wrong? Rejoicing in being proved wrong with what is right! And what is right is that there IS hope, hope in the fruit we produce, and the hope in the God who comforts, seeks after, fights for, loves, and saves. I found hope in the students and I have had my eyes open to what my fruits have done. I only have God to thank for believing in me so I can believe in Him.

Doing the Undesirable

Leadership is a simple yet complicated gift. How does one lead others? What are the responsibilities of a leader? Those are the first questions that come to mind when I examine myself as one. I could talk about leadership forever but there's one thing that I feel every leader who asks those questions should know.

That very thing was something I've had to endure many times over. Some of those instances were more rememberable than others. As a leader I wanted to keep knocking on the door of opportunity (ref.Matthew 7:7-8), so I applied to become a Residential Assistant. Every leadership position is different and equally challenging. I went through what's called RA Experience Weekend. That was a time where I was evaluated on how well a RA applicant reacts and handles all the given scenarios. The Residential Director evaluating the group of applicants I was a part of had his ways of teaching us the importance of leadership.

During the weekend we did the exact opposite of every other group...we sweat! We couldn't eat without carrying someone on our backs to the dining hall. We couldn't go to the next training room without performing tripwire crawls down the halls while dragging someone who wasn't allowed to move along. And every once and a while we'd carry "Levi", a 60-70 pound 5 foot tree log, blindfolded while having to do sit-ups every so many feet of carrying it blindfolded. It was bootcamp for leaders!

Why am I telling you all of this? Our Residential Director asked a similar question. "Do you know why I'm making you all do this?" Our hands couldn't have gone up any faster. "It was to demonstrate how leaders must go through things they don't want to do. Leadership isn't always easy. Sometimes you even have to carry the weight of others in order to advance the kingdom.

Like I said, I could talk about the definition and the role of a leader. But something I've found to be one of the most important things to know as a leader, or to be a leader, is doing the things you don't want to do to for the sake of those who follow you. Your disciplines and integrity become stronger and foundational for God's glory.

So what are you willing to do that you don't want to?